I’m Annoying… I’m Well Aware…

I make an obscene amount of eye contact with random people on a daily basis. I’m a weirdo.  Awkward eye contact, and I smile, as if I know them.  We are connected, except we aren’t.  I want to feel connected though.  I don’t know why.

When I was kid I would get really annoyed with my father.  We would be out to dinner, and he would strike up a long conversation with the server.  We would be on vacation and he would start talking to the staff or random people we would meet as if he knew them.  “Dad, why are you asking a million questions to someone you don’t know?”  He still does this to this day, and often, afterwards my mom will ask him why he insists on talking to everyone.  I am my father in this way. 

I understand this quality about him now, as an adult, as I am the same way.  I want to know your story.  Who you are in the world?  I want to feel connected.  I’m sure it annoys the people around me.  I was riding in an Uber this past weekend… I started chatting with the Uber driver.  Where are you from?  How long have you been here?  Why did you move here?  It’s a really great city you’re going to love it.  I looked over at my friend, as he rolled his eyes.  I knew why.  I was the eye roller as a kid… “Dad, don’t just start talking to random people.”

I’m attention needy.  I don’t like to be alone.  I don’t like to feel alone. I think that’s part of it, but also, I just genuinely like people.  Everyone has a story to tell. What’s yours? What can I learn from you?  That’s part of the reason I am starting a podcast.  I’ll share my story, willingly, but for me, it’s about hearing other people’s stories.  I want to learn from others, and their experiences.  What fuels who you are in the world….

As I sat at ORD waiting to board a flight...  I looked over at this couple with their baby.  How old is she?  She’s so cute.  She’s so big for eight months old, and also so smiley.  This couple, with their eight month old, traveling back to NYC.  They live in Brooklyn.  I got on the plane, and I sat next to this little girl.  Her mom and sister on the other side of me –they looked East Coast wealthy .   I’m good with kids –they like me.  The mom said how they were visiting family in Chicago.  Their uncle lives here.  They live in Connecticut.  We talked about the zoo, and school, and about what sports she plays, and her favorite subjects in school… Reading.  “Mine too,” I said!

I’m annoying.  I don’t care.  Here’s how I feel about it… If we are here, in the same place, at the same time… it matters.  There’s a reason.  I will always reach out.  I’m currently on my flight back to Chicago.  I’m sitting next to this guy… his headphones in…I would try to connect otherwise…. Alright, to be honest… it’s mostly cause he’s really cute.  I give no fucks if he reads this as I type…