Sister, Sister

I was talking to Amanda, my sister… ‘Share my blog on your Facebook…’  She replied, ‘I was thinking… you haven’t even mentioned me on it… maybe I’ll repost when you do.’  This is about Amanda. 

I give Amanda a lot of shit.  She gets the brunt of my sarcasm.  I’m aware.  She’s the person I’m closest to.  She is my sister.  She is my friend.  She is my rock.  We were always close.  She was the first person I came out to.  When we were kids we would take these long trips in the car, and as it got dark she would ask, ‘hold my hand, I’m scared.’  I would reach out.  I was scared too, but unlike Amanda I would never say it.  I have been holding her hand ever since, but she has also been holding mine. 

Amanda and I live together, and I’ll often times refer to her as my roommate… ‘you mean your sister..’ my friends will reply.  ‘Yeah, sure, whatever…’ I complain about her all the time… she’s messy, her stuff is everywhere.  She’s needy… ‘what’s for dinner… what are you doing tonight, can I come?’  She is also caring, and kind.  She has fixed me time and time again.  I am broken… she will repair me. 

A lot of years ago I bought tickets to go see Wicked with this guy I was talking to.  He bailed last minute.  I text Amanda, ‘Want to go see Wicked?’ ‘What? Why? Sure.’  ‘It’s a long story… but meet me at the theater.’  We saw Wicked, and afterwards I asked if she wanted to go have a drink.  ‘Who was supposed to go with you tonight?’  ‘It’s a long story.’  I knew right then she would be the first person I came out to. We had a few drinks, and at the end of the night we paid our bill and walked outside.  We drove separately and stood by our cars as I smoked, and tiptoed around the words that were about to come out of my mouth.  ‘So… the guy that was supposed to come tonight.’  As tears filled my eyes.  She looked at me, ‘I know… it’s ok…. I know and I love you.’  And she hugged me.  Right there in that moment, we were kids again… except this time it was me… ‘hold my hand, I’m scarred.’ 

I’ll continue to complain about her. I’ll continue to get frustrated.  However, I know she is the only person that will always be there for me.  She will stay.  When others retreat, and when life doesn’t work out, she will be there… she will pick up the pieces, and never complain about it.  She is a good person.  I am lucky to have her.  One day we wont live together, and we will move into our lives.  We are connected though.  We are one.  So, Amanda, this your blog entry… thank you… for holding my hand through all the shit.  Life is messy… I am messy… but we’re in this mess together.