About Forgiveness.
I stopped by DePaul today. I graduated college in 2006. Ten years ago. Everyone on campus looks so young, and ten years later I look like either the cool professor, or the guy that just never wants to grow up. I stopped in to visit my friend Rikki who still works there. I met Rikki 14 years ago when I was a freshman and had an internship in the graduate admissions department. I was 19, and they stuck me in the closet, called it an office, and had me stuffing envelopes. I eventually got out of all the closets I was in. That first day Rikki stuck her head in, ‘Who are you?’ Um, I’m 19, hating this job, and socially awkward, however, I just replied with, ‘Hi, I’m Henry.’ We have been friends ever since. This isn’t another story about friendship. This is a story about forgiveness…
Our friend Kim got married in 2009, and Rikki and myself had both been invited. At that same time Rikki was going through a divorce. She had just moved back from Vegas for a job, and when things were seemingly well it all fell apart. Life does that sometimes, and it sucks. As the wedding neared Rikki reached out, ‘I am not going to the reception, but I want to be at the ceremony. I need you there for emotional support. Please come.’ I said I would. When Kim’s wedding day came I woke up late, I went for a run, and before you knew it I lost track of time. I didn’t make it to the ceremony. Rikki sent me a lengthy text –she was upset with me, and understandably so. I never even replied to the text. I was 26… I was irresponsible and insensitive, and I owed her better then just ignoring that text.
Rikki and I didn’t talk for two years. She’s stubborn, and in this case she was right to be. Two years later our friend Ed got engaged and I knew she would be at the wedding. I was two years older, and I knew better… I knew I had to apologize for that 26-year-old version of me that was an insensitive jerk. I sent Rikki the below e-mail on July 15th, 2011…
“OK, I was going to send flowers. Life, It gets in the way. You'll be at Eds tonight and I don't want it to be awkward. I wanted to say sorry. Two years ago, I wasn't equipped to deal with the anger, so I didn’t. Emotionally insensitive boy, I know. You know at one time it was always you and I…I miss that. And maybe I burned that bridge, but I wanted you to know I never stopped loving you. I think about you often. I remember when you left for Vegas…Crushed. Cause you got me, and I got you.
Here we are two years later… silence. I just didn’t want you to hate me tonight, cause I am sorry that things went the way they did…my fault. Just a kid trying to not deal with the disappoint I inflicted.
Love you. I hope we some how find a way to grow past”
Rikki did forgive me, and that wedding was a lot of fun. I still try to see Rikki as often as possible. Adult life is busy. The point of this story is that Rikki forgave me. If I had I reached out right after she would have forgiven me than. We wouldn’t have wasted two years not talking. I regret not apologizing earlier. She’s one of my oldest friends –she knows my story. I see her and she doesn’t see me. She see’s over ten years of me –she has seen me grow from that awkward kid sitting in a closet to who I am today. I can still be awkward some times, but no closets involved. We have a story.
Friendships take work, and I believe a big part of that is forgiveness. We’re going to screw up along the way, and we’re going to make mistakes, but, in the same way we have to learn to forgive ourselves, we have to forgive others as well. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of stupid shit I have done that my friends have forgiven me for. All I know, is that years down the road, I want to know that those people are still there. The people that can see the whole picture. We’ll all continue to grow, and we’ll meet new people along the way… but history books are important for a reason. They’ll be the ones that remind us not to repeat the same mistakes. They’ll remind us of who we used to be. Most importantly, they’ll remind me us of the stories that no one else will understand, and that’s a secret language worth holding on to.