This Is Not My Problem.

I text a friend on Monday, ‘Do you have five minutes to chat?’  He called me two minutes later.  I have a problem.  I insert myself into situations I shouldn’t.  I get overly involved.  I need people to talk me down. ‘Henry, don’t get involved.  This is not your issue.’  You have to let people work it out.  I’m not sure where this stems from, or why I care, but I do.  I take responsibility for things or situations that are not my responsibility.   I have no idea where this compulsion comes from.  It’s a problem.  When others would run –I will stay. In fact, I’ll jump right into the deep end of the pool.  I’m not a therapist or life coach… I just play one on TV.  That’s what I feel like.  There’s a line though, and I’m blind to it.

Friday night, another one of my friends posted something on social media.  I was caught off guard.  Why would you post that?  What would make you think that’s ok?  It’s completely inappropriate.  You’re better then that.  I saw him out, and yelled, ‘Take it down right now.’  He refused, but deleted the next morning, then proceeded to repost it the next night.  Again, I flew into parent mode… I had to remind myself, ‘Henry, this is not yours to fix.’  My friend leaned over, ‘This is just who he is, he’s not going to change you have to let it go.’ He was right.  I have to let things go.

I’m learning to get involved less, or at least I’m trying to.  I’m sure I make decisions on a daily basis that people don’t agree with.  They won’t change me, and I probably won’t change anyone else.  Life isn’t based on a screenplay –I can’t change the story or the characters.  It’ll play itself out the way it’s supposed to.  I need to learn to be in the audience –sit there, and shut up.  The thing is, this all stems from a good place.  I want to help.  I want to be a good friend.  Just because I think something is the right thing to do though doesn’t make it so.  People have to be in charge of their own destinies.  They have to be allowed the opportunity to decide not only who they want to be in the world, but also how they want to be perceived.  If you’re a good friend, you’ll accept them for who they are regardless of the things they do.    

I interrupt things based on my experiences, but the fact is that life is different for everyone.  I asked my friend, ‘So, I should keep my mouth shut?  I’ll stay out of it.’ I am not the messenger, nor should I try to be.  I’m sure this is something I’ll continue to struggle with.  Look on the bright side though, if you’re ever in a crisis I will be there.  I will want to help.  I will listen, and I’ll offer advice -probably too much advice.  Inside my head I’ll be thinking –we can fix this, but really I’ll be thinking, ‘How can I fix this?’  Let’s be honest, I have my own shit to figure out… maybe I should be focusing on that.