I went on a date last night. I shouldn't be going on any dates. I'm not ready. I did though. With a 22 year old. I'm 32. I'm too old for that. Right? He was really kind, and not a bad conversationalist, but like he just graduated from college in June. We live in different worlds. As to be expected, when I have ten years over you. He was shocked I had been in my apartment for over five years. That’s a thing for adults.
There has to be a window -25 to 35 seems fair for me right now. We sat at dinner and talked about his life post college, about working as a barista in the morning, and stylist at a retail store. An art major from the same college I went to, so many years ago. At one point I asked, ‘Where did you live on Campus?' He told me which building, 'Oh me too!' I replied. 'It was there when you went to school there.' He quickly apologized and I laughed. ‘Are you calling me old?’ I told him not to worry about it. It was a fair reply, I was, in fact, only the second person to ever occupy my dorm room 14 years ago when I was a freshman.
He talked about being sacred, as an art major. "What do I do?' I don't have an answer, but, I'm envious that you pursued your art. I never had the guts. Not till 31. I'm not saying it's too late, there's always time, but it's more difficult the older you get. Besides, even at my age, I often feel lost, and like I don't know what I'm doing. You figure it out. Somehow. I sat across from him, and thought, I could be your mentor. Help you navigate the world –like an alumni big brother program. That should really exist.
Anyway, he was really nice, and seemed genuine. He text me right after, ‘I had so much fun –I hope I could see you again.’ Nice gay boys are hard to find. But like, I’m I was 10 when you were born. I remember 1994. Like, vividly remember 1994. Mostly Michael Jordan’s failed attempt at a career in baseball. Also, watching episodes of Roseanne when they premiered live on television.
I’m in a weird place, coming off the heals of something that didn’t work out with someone else, so I probably just need to take a step back anyway. I give too much away to soon. I jump in too quickly. I’m too kind to a fault. That’s not always a bad thing, but also not really healthy. Point is, I need to evaluate cautiously what I feel has potential. Also, I'm still not over the last guy I was seeing, which isn't really fair to this guy even if I thought it was worth pursuing. I don’t like to waste others time, or my own. As I sit trying to write this, while also toggling between work stuff, and discussing the improv show I’m trying to plan. I take on too much. Is it worth it? Sometimes, yes, but sometimes it’s not.
I text my friend this morning, she asked, ‘will there be a second date?’ I feel like that’s the polite thing to do. See it through, but knowing that I might always feel unsure about the age difference always. Maturity matters. That only comes with time, I think. Also, I’d like to be a stay at home dad, so like, how do I do that? My dating profiles should just read, ‘Currently seeking someone who wants to have kids, let me raise them, but like, I’ll keep the house in order too, and I’m great at a cocktail party when you need someone to entertain your executive friends/coworkers.’
